long time no talk
soooo much to catch up on…where to start! umm I live in my own apartment! I have a big girl job! :) those are the basics! so many deets to come….but it’s bedtime :)
TO DO LIST
- find a legit job
- mend my new relationship
- do NOT drink alcohol
- drink 8 glasses of water daily
- do @ least 30 minutes of excersise a day
- save money
- do NOT eat out
- get 8 hours of sleep or more each night
- look forward and be excited for what the future holds
- pay loans
- pay student account
- pay credit card
- win the lottery
- stay up to date on current events
- blog more
- start to keep a journal
- find a new church and attend regularly
- fall in love
- go to hawaii to see mr. stanley
- become a better person for the well-being of myself
i feel like i have been through alot lately. emotionally it seems like last weekend was a year ago. i have had my ups and downs. and i have decided i fall too quickly. i expect too much when there should be no expectations. and even when i realize that i expect someone to deal with it and like it. what the hell…even love that aspect of me.
i had not seen him in a year….let alone had a full conversation with him in a year and two months. and last weekend i saw him after the bars. i dont even want to tell this story because its stupid and useless and doesnt need to be talked about or remincised about because nothing will come of it. and i need to let that soak in. this person i had not seen or talked to in a year…A WHOLE YEAR…if you can not talk to someone for a whole year………….i dont even know what to say. im tired and dont need to be thinking about this.
one last thing…in the midst of all this confusion i am doing to my heart. i fell for a new guy…a guy who i am going to visit for a whole week in texas in 8 days. i am so scared and i am naturally unguarded when it comes to new relationships…but its what happens when i am alone wiht my own thoughts…i just seem to overanalyze and then overanalyze what i have already overanalyzed. so i freak myself out and give myself anxiety and thank god for jillybean, because she brings me back to earth. I need to go with the flow with this boy. We have some what of a past but its from high school so it seems like this is brand new.
enough of my typing out my thoughts that i read back over and they make no sense. but it feels good to have just let it all out.
peace and love always. and forever.
ill leave with this quote…
No measure of time with you will be long enough. But we’ll start with forever.
i want a boy to feel like that about me.
(Source: yanilavigne.net, via liveelearnlovee)
(Source: oceanwide-, via liveelearnlovee)
Ephram : I remember everything about us
Amy : Me too, See that’s the thing. Everytime I try to forget, The feelings that I have for you, They just they keep comming back, I know they’re back. And I don’t wanna push them down anymore, I don’t wanna run away from this because I never… wanna lose you again, I just wanna be with you, Next year, wherever you are.
We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first guy I ever loved was someone I knew in high school. His name was Eric; we talked endlessly about anything. The last guy I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person who you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.